hello….my name is Isabelle…and this is one of my stories. Although long, feel free to laugh out loud and remember: blind dates are a great tool to humiliate people!
I had a crazy dream a few nights ago that I was stuck on this horrible date. This date actually took place. But in my dream I was back again to that horrid real date and couldn’t leave, even though I kept repeating: “this can’t be, I am married and I shouldn’t be here”.
Here’s the thing, I was never good at dating. I guess everyone says that. I am awkward, clumsy and have too many panic attacks which is not a good combination during dates. I am surprised no one truly got hurt in the process!
Here’s a little story…a true, sad and I guess funny story.
I was set up on a blind date by some friends of mine. The gentleman called me up and set a time to pick me up for a dinner date. Ready, Set, Date….
All was going OK until we got to the food part. I like to eat so of course I ordered FOOD…and by food I mean not a salad or small nibbles…actual food (probably a huge bowl of pasta or juicy burger). For some strange reason I started to choke. I coughed with gusto and wouldn’t you know it; a piece food came flying out of my mouth and landed across the table right smack on my date’s plate. At first, I was mortified but then I thought: “kind of funny and actually food Olympic worthy”. My date didn’t think it was funny, AT ALL. He proceeded to huff, puff, sigh and roll his eyes. Of course, this sent me into a full panic attack, gesturing like a monkey, flaring my arms around trying to apologize…only to knock his wine glass over (red wine I might add) and have it spill all over his lap. Things were progressing rather well, wouldn’t you say? A lovely waitress seeing my crazy downward spiral tried to help me. She grabbed napkins/towels and proceeded to help “clean” the spilled wine only to tap gently in the guy’s crotch area. To which he screamed (and I am not exaggerating): “don’t touch me there!” She retreated like a hurt puppy. At this point I started to sweat (something I do rather well); Mr. Date got up and said: “Let’s go!” I simply followed him to his car. We drove in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I said thank you and he said good bye…
You think the story ends here….nooooo
Because I was raised right…and because I am a sucker for punishment. I called Mr. Date and left a voicemail: “I wanted to thank you again for dinner, and also to apologize for the sad turn of events. Maybe one day we could go to a movie or something. Thank you.” (Don’t ask why I said the bit about the movie, I have no clue…sometimes I just ramble on..for real!)
He calls me back: “Hi, well I have been renovating my house, blah blah blah.” He talked for about 15 minutes about his house renovations. (mind you I had friends at my house so I couldn’t say what I really thought which was: why the heck are you calling me?)
I said: “ummm, OK well I guess I will talk to you later?”
Not one to leave well enough alone, I called him back. Luckily I got his voice mail again. Here is what I said: “Hi, this is Isabelle, I have no clue why you called me back because I really didn’t think we hit it off. I am confused but I understand the whole date wasn’t what either one of us thought it would be. OK well, again thank you and Good Bye”
To which he calls back and says: “oh you are right, I never want to see you again. In fact, I thought you were rather boring, not that attractive and really you just don’t have that spark I am looking for!”
Want to know what I replied?…. I said (and I wish I was kidding): “oh…oh…OK well, thank you, bye”
THANK YOU???? What the heck!? I know, I know…I have about 20 things I should have said but at the end of the day, I was the bigger person.
So…everything happens for a reason. After a few more horrid dates and some not so bad I quit trying to be set up. I wasn’t looking to meet someone and guess what? I met my husband…because I wasn’t looking! My car battery died and I had to go to the dealership to get it fixed…long story short I couldn’t wait in the service area so I had to go in the sales room and there he was!
Mr. Man doesn’t even flinch when I choke on food. He simply protects his plate and goes on living! One of the many things I love him for!
Ever had a bad blind (or not so blind) date? Let’s hear it!
Peace and Food Olympics Would Be Awesome,